GUILT.
There is no getting away from it if you a mom..is there?
So what if before you became a mom , you actually were one of those carefree liberal kinds, who never regretted anything they did and Guilt never figured in their dictionary.
Fast forward 5 yrs :
You of all people are a mom!!
And before you know, gone is the carefree uber cool girl who used to head bang in jamming sessions and dance till the wee hours of morning...or simply go on a photo- walkabout...or sit for hours in a coffee shop reading her favorite book.
Now: You wake up at Godforsaken 7am and look at the scary image of yourself in the mirror. Dark circles. Horribly scraggly hair in place of your glorious hair. Streaks of eye liner remaining from yesterday. Yikes!! I can be own nightmare on XYZ Street!!
On any average day, here are some thoughts that might be swirling around my brain, my sticky notes , and my to-do list:
- I have to start giving her more milk.. more vegetables. Thank God she has fruits atleast.
- Hey, chicken and eggs are plenty healthy!
- I shouldn't let her have candies. Or chocolates. Or chips. Or pizza. Or burger. Oh well..What is she supposed to eat? Kale??
- We need to sign her up for swim lessons..and some classical dance form. Oh, and where can I find an Odissi guru here?? Might have to settle for Bharatnatyam.
- And maybe Spanish. Shouldn't she be speaking Spanish? Or French!! Yes. Si. Oui.
- I need to have a talk with her about the good touch and the bad touch.. someday soon.
- She isn't supposed to watch so much TV.
- But how else am I supposed to get dinner ready? Or the house picked up?
- I need to put the laundry away. Again. God...will that ever end? On that note, have to put the utensils away too!
- Pick up from the dry cleaners.
- What exactly is Apple TV, anyway?
- I need to volunteer more at her school. Thrice a yr is just not enough.
- She speaks English & Hindi well.Thank God! But I need to teach her Oriya too.. after all its my mother tongue!
- Have to buy her new shoes.. How fast do they outgrow their shoes!! And what am I supposed to do with all the old ones!?
- Will we ever get to go on a vacation??
- I haven't had brunch with my girlfriend in weeks.
- Don't forget to make time for lots of loving..the poor guy needs some of my attention too!
- I need a massage.. and some major snooze time.
- I'm eating too much chocolate.and ice cream.
- Why am I so tired? Should I be taking supplements?
- We're out of dishwasher detergent.
- We should take another look at our retirement portfolio.
- I need to try a freaking Zumba class sometime.
- Because, ten extra pounds. Fine. Twenty.
- It's time for a haircut. Will I ever stop losing hair?? May be I am becoming bald.
- Maybe it's time to make a therapy appointment.
- I have to blog more. And remember to transfer the pictures I took last week!!
Am I a neurotic mom or a psycho? Or do you ladies have these kinda random thoughts running through your head too? I believe most of us do.
We constantly question if we are doing right by our kids? Whether we are doing enough and we will always have nagging little voices implying we are not. But let me tell you something my fellow sisters in distress.. Motherhood isn't easy.. Its tough as it is...and you are not going to make it any easier by beating yourself up, all the while.
So the kid had a pizza for dinner. Its not the end of the world! You survived it. Thousands of kids in Italy survive it.And so will she. And to those who lecture you, tell them to come and be your guest and help you out. Ha!
And yes, she shouldn't be watching too much TV of course..and I do abide by that. But hey if that 30 mins stretches into an hr, it wont make an idiot out of her. Relax. May be put your feet up and watch it with her ...Nothing like laughing over Tom & Jerry with your 3 yr old! Trust me.
She paints. Doesn't stay inside the lines. Doesn't listens to you. You are a bad mom.
She throws tantrums. Its coz you throw tantrums too. you are bad.
I mean, come on!!!!
Every child throws tantrums. Its their way of arguing. And here's what you do.. Either divert her attention to something new and more exciting..Or ignore her.Tantrum plays itself out. And she will color inside the lines.Soon enough. Don't beat yourself up.
Your husband gets up and cleans the kitchen counter after dinner while you finish that presentation for work, its not the end of the world.And doesn't make you a bad wife. Remember, you do it daily. One night won't kill him.Its his house too. And he just ate that amazing dinner you pulled off in 30 mins.May be thats his way of saying thanks. And later on you can show your thanks to him. No guilt. Please.
Here's what I want to say the most..
You got up to get her ready for school. You made her breakfast. You made 4 different things for the school lunch. You made something for your spouse too. You teach her. Color with her. Dance with her. You sing rhymes and know all her favourites..her friends love you. She smiles at you almost always. She runs to you the moment she feels scared or is hurt. She can be soothed and placated only by you. She saves her best giggles and smiles for you. Her first waking up words are Mama!
And that happens only coz you are a great mom.
Don't let guilt ruin it.
Enjoy being a mom...kids don't want perfection. They just want a happy mom...
